


To wait for the rain

by TrickyVicky3



Category: The Halcyon (TV)
Genre: Alzheimer's Disease, Angst, Gen, M/M, Sadness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-12
Updated: 2017-07-12
Packaged: 2018-12-01 08:53:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 841
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11482929
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TrickyVicky3/pseuds/TrickyVicky3
Summary: He can't bear it. Having Toby here for as long as possible but at the same time, not having him. It's like a wound, one moment healing and scabbing over, just to burst and start bleeding all over again; a vicious cycle.Toby has Alzheimers.





	To wait for the rain

**Author's Note:**

> Okay I have a lot to say about this fic, firstly, it was a prompt:
> 
> The Halcyon retirement au: Toby and Adil are married and live in a nursing home, Toby has severe Alzheimers and can't remember Adil or anyone. Hehe xx.
> 
> Hope you enjoy it!!! 
> 
> Secondly, I changed it slightly, it's not "severe" and it's based off Dementia so sorry if it's not realistic.
> 
> Thirdly, This was important to me, I lost both my Nan and my Gran last year. My Nan had dementia well into her last years and honestly, it fucked me up. At first I didn't want to write this prompt and when I finally decided to write it I decided to try and make it short.
> 
> Lastly, sorry if there are any typos.
> 
> But actually writing this really helped, I realised it doesn't hurt as much to think about it anymore, and my love goes out to anyone dealing with this right now.

The clouds that fill the sky are dark and grey, the threat of rain ever present and iminent. Adil feels it rather reflects the mood in the room, heavy and claustrophobic.  
  
He glances at Toby subtly, but Toby's gaze stays firmly looking out the window, as the storm brewing above them reflects in his eyes.  
  
"Look at that" Adil murmers.  
  
"You've got me thinking about the weather now, I've never felt so British".  
  
Toby's head inclines as he looks at him, a smile gracing his lips, it lasts only for a second before he turns back to the window.  
  
Adil frowns, reaching out for Toby's palm, resting on the arm-rest, he gently threads his fingers through Toby's, squeezing his hand.  
  
Toby doesn't respond but Adil doesn't back down.  
  
"Apparently it's supposed to rain soon, but the clouds have been there for days and, well, I don't want to get my hopes up"  
  
He ends the sentence with a smile but Toby doesn't respond.  
  
Adil carries on nonetheless. "I think Arthur is coming over one day this week" he watches Toby for any sign of recognition; it doesn't come.  
  
"You remember Arthur?" he prompts gently, "Emma and Freddie's son?".  
  
He barrels on, disenheartened but not surprised by Toby's lack of interest.  
  
"I don't think his kids are coming, you know Carlotta is marrying her boyfriend next week so they're probably all busy with that".  
  
Toby turns to look at him, his mouth turning up into a gentle smile, "Getting married?" He queries.  
  
Adil nods and Toby's smile deepens.  
  
"I'm married" he says.  
  
Adil smiles but Toby continues, letting go of his hand to turn and search the room, "Have you met my husband? He... should be around here somewhere... Adil?".  
  
Adil takes his hand back, the gesture bringing Toby's eyes back to him. "I'm right here Toby".  
  
Toby smiles "Yes, yes you are - have you -?"  
  
He looks across the room again before his eyes flicker back to Adil's face. "Have you seen my husband?"  
  
Adil blinks back tears, forcing a smile, "I'm sure he's not far" he reassures Toby as he fiddles with the ring on Toby's finger, his own matching one clinking against it.  
  
The sound is calming, having heard it many times in the four years since they got married. They wore matching rings before of course, ever since their love was made legal.  
  
This thing that Toby has, that is taking him away from Adil, it came suddenly. One moment they were fine and the next... Well.  
  
He's just glad they got married when they had the chance.  
  
He can't bear it. Having Toby here for as long as possible but at the same time, not having him. It's like a wound, one moment healing and scabbing over, just to burst and start bleeding all over again; a vicious cycle.  
  
Days like today are a common occurance, Toby doesn't know who he is but he's content to sit with him, to watch the world go by, to wait for the rain.  
  
The bad days are bad though, Toby's always been a physical person, though not through violence; through expression and emotion. And with the Alzheimers...  
  
He lashes out, if not with his body then with his words, he hurts everyone around him, and it's not his fault, of course it's not. But God.  
  
It's painful.  
  
Adil's loved this man for almost eighty years, he's not going to stop because some evil disease decided it wanted Toby for itself.  
  
Decided it wanted to take Toby from him.  
  
The tears that slip from his eyes are hastily wiped away but Toby still notices, unlacing their fingers and taking Adil's face in his hands.  
  
"Adil sweetheart what's wrong?"  
  
Adil smiles, Toby's hands on his face a reassuring touch, the memories associated with it being nothing but glorious. Toby's fingers brush at the tear tracks on Adil's face.  
  
"Adil?" His voice trembles with age but his eyes are so earnest Adil can't help but smile.  
  
Moving his hands slowly as not to frighten Toby, he gently holds Toby's hand, pulling it down from his face to kiss the back of it. The action almost subconcious after having been done every day for so many years.  
  
"I'm fine, Love" He reassures patiently, clinging to every moment, every memory.  
  
Toby smiles, confusion mudding his eyes, suddenly his hands drop from Adil's face and he pulls back, obviously fretting.  
  
"I'm sorry"  
  
He says.  
  
"Have you - have you seen my husband?"  
  
Adil smiles even as his heart breaks. "I'm sure he's not far, why don't we wait here for him?".  
  
Toby nods, shifting his body so he's facing the window again, he rests his arm on the side of the chair and Adil slowly takes his hand, clinking their rings together.  
  
He looks at Toby's side profile, he's lost weight and his hair is thinner and whiter than before all this, but he's still his Toby. Deep down he still loves him.  
  
And for now all they can do is sit.  
  
Sit and wait for the rain.  


**Author's Note:**

> Feedback is beautiful and so are you <3


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